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Tony In The Morning Blog

Man! The CRAZIEST stuff happens to ME. I AM married. And, I have KIDS. And a dog. And two cats. Read about it HERE...

Posts from October 2012

California Cool
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 29 2012 11:12AM

WHEN I WAS GROWING-UP IN INDIANA..

I "DREAMED" OF MOVING TO CALIFORNIA..

THE "LAND" OF BEAUTIFUL "WEATHER"..

"&"..BEAUTIFUL "PEOPLE"..

& "THEN"..IN 1994..I MOVED TO BAKERSFIELD..

& I "REMEMBER"

BEING SOMEWHAT "INTIMIDATED"..

BY THE "PEOPLE"..

I MEAN THESE WERE "CALIFORNIANS"--THE "COOLEST"
PEOPLE "IN"-AMERICA..

& I WAS THIS "RUBE" FROM INDIANA..

& I WAS "SURE" THAT "IT" WAS "OBVIOUS"..

"EVERY"-TIME I OPENED MY MOUTH..

"THEN"..
I WENT TO MY FIRST GAME AT "DODGER STADIUM"..

WHICH WAS "VERY"-EXCITING..

BECAUSE I HAD SEEN IT "MANY"-TIMES ON TV..

& THERE WERE THESE 2-GUYS SITTING "BEHIND"-US..

NATURALLY.."I"-ASSUMED THEY WERE A COUPLE OF "COOL"-"LA GUYS"..

"BUT"..AS THE GAME WENT ON..

I "REALIZED"..THESE TWO GUYS.. WERE "BIGGER"-DORKS THAN "ME"..

& "THAT"
IS WHEN I-"DISCOVERED"

THAT "EVERYONE"
"IN" CALIFORNIA
"ISN'T"-NECESSARILY-"COOL"..

NOW MY WIFE GREW-UP IN LA CANADA..

WHICH IS A PRETTY-"SNOOTY" PLACE..

& I WENT WITH HER TO HER HIGH SCHOOL REUNION 5-YEARS-AGO..

IT WAS ON A "BOAT"

CRUISING NEWPORT HARBOR..

NOW "I"-THOUGHT..

GROWING-UP IN LA CANADA..

THERE WOULD BE A "LOT" OF "SUCCESSFUL".."SNOOTY"-PEOPLE AT THE REUNION..

"INSTEAD"..THEY "ACTED" LIKE A "BUNCH" OF 38-YEAR-OLD "TEENAGERS"..

THERE WAS A BUS TO SHUTTLE-US TO THE BOAT..

& SOME GUY "SNUCK" "ALCOHOL" ON-THE-BUS..

IT WAS A "BOTTLE" OF "MALIBU"-RUM..

YOU KNOW "WHO" DRINKS "MALIBU" RUM??..

HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS..
& COLLEGE FRESHMAN..

& "EVERYBODY" WAS SLUGGING-OFF THE BOTTLE..

& YELLING & SCREAMING..

"LIKE" HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS..
"OR" COLLEGE FRESHMAN..

& "THEN"..

WE'RE "ON" THE BOAT..
CRUSING NEWPORT HARBOR..

& I GO OUTSIDE..TO GET SOME AIR..

& I'M STANDING ON THE DECK..

& AROUND "ONE" CORNER..

THERE'S A COUPLE..HIDING IN THE DARK "MAKING-OUT"..

& AROUND THE "OTHER"-CORNER..

IS A GUY..HIDING IN THE DARK
SMOKING A JOINT..

& "THESE" ARE "ADULTS"..

IN THEIR "LATE"-30'S..

WELL..MY WIFE HAD HER "25TH" REUNION THIS "PAST"-WEEKEND..

& I "PASSED" ON GOING "WITH"-HER..

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO HANG-OUT WITH A BUNCH OF IMMATURE DRUNKS..

SO "I" STAYED AT HOME..

I DRANK A HALF-BOTTLE OF "KETTLE ONE"..

ATE "3"-BAGS OF HALLOWEEN CANDY..

SELECTED MY FANTASY FOOTBALL STARTING LINEUP..

& TP'ED THE NEIGHBORS HOUSE..

THE "ONE" WITH THE "LOUD" SOUND-SYSTEM..

	(0) Comments
Tags : Locations: California, Indiana People: I WENT

ANOTHER mouse in the house
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 24 2012 1:00PM

SO..

MY WIFE & I GET HOME FROM TUCSON MONDAY NIGHT..

& PARENTS WEEKEND AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA..

WELL I'M "ALREADY"
BACK IN THE MAN CAVE..
WATCHING THE GIANTS GAME..

& MY WIFE YELLS FROM THE KITCHEN..
"COULD YOU PLEASE COME OUT HERE--THERE'S SOME "MAN'S"-WORK TO BE DONE"..

& I'M LIKE--"SWEEEETIE--I JUST DROVE 9-HOURS--CAN'T I JUST-RELAX FOR A MINUTE?"..

& SHE SAYS--"NO SWEEETIE--YOU NEED TO COME OUT HERE "RIGHT"-NOW"..

SO I THROW THE REMOTE DOWN..

& KICK THE OTTOMAN..

& "SULK"-OUT TO THE KITCHEN..

WHERE "SHE" POINTS..

TO A LAMP..

ON-"TOP" OF THE CHINA CABINET..

& "HANGING"

FROM "INSIDE" THE LAMP-"SHADE"..

IS A MOUSE..

IT'S LITTLE MOUSE-"HEAD"
IS STICKING OUT THE "TOP"..

& IT'S "BODY"
IS "INSIDE" THE SHADE..

"&"

IT'S "STILL"-ALIVE..

"OBVIOUSLY"

CHASED-THERE..

BY OUR 2-CATS JINX & TEX..

WHO ARE AT-"THIS" MOMENT..

"EATING" FROM THE FOOD DISH..

"OBLIVIOUS"

THERE'S A MOUSE..

"IN"-THE HOUSE..

HANGING-FROM THE LAMP-SHADE..

7-FEET "ABOVE"-THEM..

SO..

I GET SOME PAPER TOWELS..

& "ATTEMPT" TO "GRAB" THE MOUSE..

"OF"-COURSE I "MISS"..

& IT FALLS "BEHIND" THE CABINET..

SO..
I "SCOOT" THE CABINET
"OUT" FROM THE WALL..

& "NOW"..
OUR DOG MOLLY..IS INTERESTED..

& SHE STARTS SNIFFING-AROUND BEHIND THE CABINET..

THE "CATS"??..

"STILL" CHOWING AT THE FOOD BOWL..

WELL..MOLLY SNIFFS A LITTLE LONGER..

& "BOOM"

THE MOUSE TAKES OFF ACROSS THE DINING ROOM FLOOR..

& MOLLY TAKES OFF AFTER IT..

& SHE CATCHES IT IN HER MOUTH..
& "FLINGS"-IT IN THE AIR..

& IT "LANDS"..

"DAZED"..

& "BOOM"--IT'S "OFF"-AGAIN..

WITH MOLLY IN HOT-PURSUIT..

& SHE CATCHES IT IN HER MOUTH "AGAIN"..
& "THROWS"-IT AGAIN..

& "THUD"..

IT'S "DONE"..

THAT MOUSE IS OFF TO THAT "BIG CHUNK OF CHEESE IN THE SKY"..

SO I PICK IT UP..

& MY WIFE IS "UP"
ON THE KITCHEN-COUNTER..

SCREAMING & GIGGLING..

& I LOOK OVER..

& THE TWO CATS ARE "SITTING THERE"..

LICKING THEIR CHOPS..

& CLEANING-UP

"AFTER"-DINNER..

& THEY LOOK AT ME--LIKE--

"WHAT'S UP?"

"THE FOOD DISH IS EMPTY"..

	(0) Comments
Tags : Topics: Hospitality_Recreation, Human Interest Social: Hospitality_Recreation, Human Interest Locations: Arizona, Tucson People: MOLLY SNIFFS

Parents party HARD at Parents Weekend
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 23 2012 12:04PM

SO..

MY WIFE & I
WENT TO TUCSON
FOR "PARENTS WEEKEND"
AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA..

OUR OLDEST..& OUR YOUNGEST..

GO-THERE..

NOW "THIS"
WAS OUR "4TH"-
PARENTS WEEKEND..

& "EACH"-YEAR

IT SEEMS TO GET

"WILDER"..& "WILDER"..

BETWEEN THE "BEER-PONG"..

& THE "SAKI-BOMBS"..

& THE BODY-SHOTS..

& THE DANCING ON THE TABLES..

& THE SCREAMING..

& THE YELLING..

& THE LATE-NIGHT TACOS
FROM THE STREET VENDOR..

IT WAS "CRAY-ZEEE"..

& I'M "NOT"
TALKING ABOUT THE "STUDENTS"..

"I'M"
TALKING ABOUT THE "PARENTS"..

"&"..

I SWEAR..

IT'S THE PARENTS OF THE "OLDER"-
STUDENTS

WHO ACT THE "CRAZIEST"..

COLLEEN IS A SOPHOMORE..

& ALL HER FRIENDS' PARENTS

"STILL" ACT
LIKE ADULTS..

BUT JD..WHO IS A SENIOR..
& IS GRADUATING IN DECEMBER..

"HIS" FRIENDS PARENTS..

ACTED LIKE "THIS"
PARENTS WEEKEND

WAS "THEIR"

LAST-BLAST OF COLLEGE..

"NOT"-MY WIFE & I THOUGH..

"NO" SAKI-BOMBS..
"NO" BODY-SHOTS..
"NO" DANCING ON THE TABLES..

NOPE..

"WE"
ONLY ACT LIKE "THAT"..

WHEN THE KIDS "AREN'T" AROUND..

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I CAN'T find my car?!
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 17 2012 11:07AM

SO..

I NEEDED SOME NEW CONTACTS..

MY "PREVIOUS"

"ONE"-YEAR SUPPLY..

HAD LASTED FOR "TWO"-YEARS..

SINCE I "HADN'T" BEEN-THERE BEFORE

I HAD TO UNDERGO A "COMPLETE"-EXAM..

READ THE CHART..
BRIGHT LIGHT IN THE EYE..
THE "PUFF" OF AIR..

"&"..

HAVE MY EYES "DIALATED"..

SO..

"AFTER" THE EXAM..

I WALK "OUT" TO THE PARKING LOT..

BUT
MY VISION IS "STILL" "BLURRY"..

NOW "COINCIDENTALLY"..

I HAD "JUST" PICKED-UP..

MY "NEW" VEHICLE FROM "MOTOR CITY"..

THE 2012 "ACADIA-DENALI"..

I HAD "LITERALLY"

PICKED "IT" UP..

& DRIVEN "TO" MY APPOINTMENT..

I "WASN'T" "FAMILIAR"

WITH "WHAT" I WAS DRIVING..

SO "HERE" I AM..

"IN" THE TARGET PARKING LOT..

WITH "DIALATED EYES"..

& I DON'T "REMEMBER"

WHAT MY VEHICLE "LOOKS"-LIKE..

SO..

I WALK UP & DOWN A COUPLE OF ROWS IN THE PARKING LOT..

PRESSING THE "LOCK"-BUTTON ON MY REMOTE..

"HOPING" I'LL HEAR THE HONKING..

"FINALLY"

I "DO"..

& I WALK UP..

& THE DOOR IS "LOCKED"..

& I TRY THE REMOTE..

"STILL"-LOCKED..

& "THEN"
A "WOMAN" WALKS UP TO ME
& SAYS--"MAY I HELP YOU?"..

IT "WASN'T" MY CROSSOVER..

IT WAS "HER" CROSSOVER..

"I"

WAS TRYING TO GET "IN"

THE "WRONG"-VEHICLE..

I MUST HAVE TURNED 50-SHADES OF "RED"..

GOOD-THING THAT "THANKS"
TO MY "BLURRY"-VISION..

I WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE HER "AGAIN"..
IF I SAW HER..

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Getting a Turkey Neck
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 15 2012 9:19AM

SO..

I WAS DRIVING HOME "FRIDAY"..

"READY" TO "BEGIN" THE WEEKEND..

& I LOOK IN MY REAR VIEW MIRROR..

& I "SEE"..

SOMETHING I HAD "NEVER"-SEEN "BEFORE..

SOMETHING THAT I "NEVER"
"WANTED" TO SEE..

SOMETHING THAT IS SOMEWHAT "HORRIFYING"
TO SOMEONE AS "YOUNG" AS ME..

"I"

AM GETTING A "TURKEY NECK"..

YOU KNOW THAT "THING"

THAT DEVELOPS ON "OLDER"-PEOPLE..

WHERE THEIR "NECK" STARTS TO LOOK LIKE A "GOBBLER"..ON A "TURKEY"..

WELL I "LOOKED" IN THE MIRROR FRIDAY..

& "THERE" IT WAS..

NOW IT "WASN'T"-THERE "BEFORE"..

BUT I "SAW" IT FRIDAY..

& IT "SHOCKED"-ME..

BECAUSE "I"

AM-"NOT" OLD..

I "DO" HOWEVER

HAVE "3"-KIDS IN COLLEGE..

& "1"-OF THEM IS ABOUT TO GRADUATE..

& "NEEDS" A JOB..

& "ANOTHER" IS STUDYING THIS SEMESTER IN LONDON..

& IS SPENDING "EVERY"-PENNY SHE TOOK WITH HER..TRAVELING EUROPE..

& A THE-"3RD"-IS DATING A "RUGBY PLAYER"..

WHO HAS A BEARD..

& IT'S "PRETTY"-SERIOUS..

MY GUESS..

IF YOU CHECKED THE "STATISTICS"..

WOULD BE THAT..

IT'S "NOT"-NECESSARILY "OLD"-PEOPLE WHO GET "TURKEY NECKS"..

IT'S "PARENTS"..

WHO'S KIDS..

ARE "GOBBLING-UP"..

"EVERY"-PENNY THEY "MAKE"..

"THAT'S"

WHERE "THIS"-THING CAME-FROM..

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Impatient at the ATM
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 12 2012 12:24PM

SO..

WE GOT PAID FRIDAY..

& I WENT TO THE BANK TO DEPOSIT MY CHECKS..

I GET "2"-CHECKS EACH PAY PERIOD..

"1" IS MY PAYCHECK..

& THE "OTHER"

IS MY "EXPENSE"-CHECK..

(MAINLY FOR HAIR..MAKEUP..
& "KLONDIKE" BARS)..

WELL "APPARENTLY"

"EVERYONE" GOT PAID FRIDAY..

SO THERE WERE LIKE-"5"-CARS IN "EACH" OF THE "2"-DRIVE THRU LANES..

WELL "I'M" IMPATIENT..

& I NOTICED A "SHORT"-LINE
AT THE "WALK-UP" ATM..

SO I PARK..

& "WALK-UP"..

& BY THE TIME "I" GET-THERE..

THERE'S "2"-PEOPLE
IN-"FRONT" OF ME..

& THE GUY "AT" THE MACHINE
IS TAKING "FOREVER"..

BUT I'M PATIENT..

& HE TAKES A LITTLE "LONGER"..

& A LITTLE "LONGER"..

& THE LINE "BEHIND" ME IS GETTING "LONGER"..

& "FINALLY"

HE'S DONE..

& THE NEXT PERSON GOES..

& "THEN".....IT'S "MY"-TURN..

NOW LIKE I SAID..

I HAVE "2"-CHECKS TO DEPOSIT..

(CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY LET ME "EXPENSE" "KLONDIKE" BARS?!)..

& ATM'S HAVE LIKE A "MILLION"-STEPS NOW..

& YOU HAVE TO "RE-ENTER" YOUR PIN..

& DEPOSIT EACH CHECK "INDIVIDUALLY"..

& PRESS "COMPLETE DEPOSIT"..

"YES" I "WANT" A RECIEPT..

& I "NOTICE"

THE LADY "BEHIND"-ME..

WHO'S "NEXT" IN-LINE..

IS "IMPATIENTLY"

TAPPING HER TOES..

& LETTING OUT THOSE LOUD-SIGHS..

& IT MADE ME LAUGH..

BECAUSE "THAT"

IS NORMALLY "ME"..

& I "THOUGHT"

"WHAT A JERK"..

(& "THEN"
I WENT & BOUGHT
MY "BI-WEEKLY SUPPLY"
OF "KLONDIKE" BARS)

	(0) Comments

LOUD neighbors II
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 8 2012 1:54PM

SO YESTERDAY..

I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT OUR NEW NEIGHBORS..

IN THE HOUSE "RIGHT"-BEHIND US..

WHO "RECENTLY" INSTALLED
AN "OUTDOOR"-SOUND SYSTEM..

& THEY HAVE IT ON

"ALL"-THE TIME..

"LOUD"..

& IT'S "EITHER" THE HOWARD STERN CHANNEL..

WHERE EVERY-OTHER WORD IS AN "F-BOMB"..

"OR"..

THE PEARL JAM CHANNEL..

WHERE "EVERY"-SONG IS A GUY "MUMBLING"
ABOUT SOMETHING "DEPRESSING"..

& DID I MENTION IT'S "LOUD"?..

WELL YESTERDAY AFTERNOON

I DECIDED TO DRIVE-DOWN THE STREET "BEHIND"-US..

TO "SEE"

IF I COULD IDENTIFY THE HOUSE..
THAT "LOVES"
LISTENING TO HOWARD STERN & PEARL JAM..

NOW I "KNOW"

THAT "OUR"-HOUSE

IS THE "10TH" HOUSE FROM THE CORNER..

SO..I'M DRIVING DOWN THE STREET "BEHIND"-US..

"COUNTING" HOUSES..

& I GET TO NUMBER-"8"..

& I "QUIT" COUNTING

BECAUSE I "SEE" NUMBER-10
"BEFORE" I ROLL-UP..

A COUPLE OF DEAD PATCHES OF GRASS IN THE FRONT YARD..

LOOKS LIKE IT COULD USE A PAINT-JOB..

THE GARAGE DOOR WAS HALF-UP..

IT LOOKED "DIFFERENT" FROM THE "OTHER"-HOUSES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD..

BECAUSE IT LOOKED "RUN-DOWN"..

(THANKS TO THE RECESSION..
IT'S "PROBABLY" A "RENTAL"-NOW)..

& "THEN" I SEE..

SITTING "ON" THE DRIVEWAY..

RIGHT-"NEXT" TO THE HALF-OPEN GARAGE DOOR..

A CASE OF "TECATE" CANS..

& A CASE OF "MONSTER" ENERGY-DRINKS..

"MUST"-BE GETTTING READY FOR THE WEEKEND..

I JUST SHOOK-MY-HEAD & DROVE ON HOME..

IT'S "REALLY"-ANNOYING..

& SAD..

BECAUSE "I"

"USED TO BE"

THE "WORST"-NEIGHBOR IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD..

	(0) Comments
Tags : People: HOWARD STERN

My daughter at Oktoberfest
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 8 2012 1:49PM

SO..OUR DAUGHTER MEGAN..

WHO IS A JUNIOR AT FORDHAM UNIVERSITY..

IS STUDYING "THIS" SEMESTER IN ENGLAND..

(& I USE THE TERM "STUDYING" LOOSELY)..

SHE ARRIVED-THERE AT THE "BEGINNING" OF SEPTEMBER..

& THIS "PAST"-WEEKEND..

SHE & SOME OF HER CLASSMATES WENT TO "GERMANY"
FOR "OKTOBERFEST"..

THEY "FLEW" TO MUNICH..

WHERE THEY STAYED IN A "HOTEL"..

NOW I "LOOKED-UP"
"OKTOBERFEST" ON "WIKIPEDIA"..

& IT'S DESCRIBED AS..

"A 16-DAY FESTIVAL CELEBRATING BEER"..

IT'S DESCRIBED AS AN EVENT
WHERE
"LARGE QUANTITIES OF BEER ARE CONSUMED"..

& SATURDAY..SHE POSTED SOME PICTURES ON "FACEBOOK"..

& THERE SHE "IS"..

MY "20"-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER..

HOLDING A LARGE MUG OF BEER..

WEARING ONE OF THOSE GERMAN "PEASANT"-DRESSES..

WITH A LOW-CUT NECKLINE..

"SURROUNDED" BY A BUNCH OF "GERMAN"-GUYS..

"HOLDING" LARGE MUGS OF BEER..

NOW.."PART" OF ME
IS EXCITED FOR HER..& THE "GREAT"-"EXPERIENCE" SHE'S HAVING..

& "ANOTHER"
"PART" OF ME WANTS TO "YELL"..

ARE YOU ON "VACATION"??..

THE THING THAT DRIVES ME "NUTS"

IS THAT "MEGAN"

"DIDN'T" MAKE
ALL THAT MUCH MONEY THIS SUMMER..

SHE "LEFT"

WITH THE "MINIMUM"-AMOUNT THE UNIVERSITY WOULD ALLOW HER TO HAVE..TO "GO"..

"BUT"..
IT "SEEMS" LIKE

SHE'S "DETERMINED"

TO SPEND "EVERY" DIME SHE HAS
FOR THE "WHOLE" SCHOOL-YEAR..

"THIS" SEMESTER..

"TRAVELING EUROPE"

LIKE SHE'S A "KARDASHIAN"..

WE "SKYPED" LAST NIGHT..

& SHE TOLD US..

THAT COMING-UP AT THE END OF "OCTOBER"..

SHE GETS A "10"-DAY "BREAK"..

(NOW SHE'LL HAVE BEEN "IN"-SCHOOL FOR "2"-MONTHS..
& SHE'S "ALREADY" GETTING
A "10"-DAY BREAK?!?)..

I SWEAR..

EUROPEAN'S ARE "ON-HOLIDAY"

"ALL"-THE TIME..

SO..

MEGAN "KARDASHIAN" HAS A "PLAN"
FOR "HER" "10"-DAY BREAK??..

SHE & SOME FRIENDS

ARE GOING TO "JET-OFF"
TO AMSTERDAM & PRAGUE..

& YOU KNOW HOW MUCH "THAT" IS GOING TO COST??

$900.00..

IF SHE COMES HOME FROM ENGLAND AT CHRISTMAS WITHOUT A DIME TO HER NAME

I "WILL" KILL HER..

	(0) Comments
Tags : Locations: Amsterdam, Munich, Prague People: A DIME, IS EXCITED

NOISY Neighbors
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 4 2012 9:38AM

ABOUT 6-MONTHS-AGO..

A NEW FAMILY MOVED INTO THE HOUSE BEHIND US..

WE LIVE IN ONE OF THOSE SUB-DIVISIONS WHERE THE BACKYARDS ARE "SMALL"..

& RIGHT-NEXT TO EACH-OTHER..

SO THE "ONLY"-THING SEPARATING
"OUR" "SMALL"-BACKYARD FROM THE NEIGHBORS "BEHIND"-US "SMALL"-BACKYARD

IS A FENCE..

WELL ABOUT A "MONTH"-AGO..

THESE NEIGHBORS

INSTALLED AN OUTDOOR SOUND SYSTEM..

& IT IS "ALWAYS"-ON..

("DOESN'T"-MATTER IF IT'S THE "WEEKEND"..OR A "WEEKNIGHT"..
OR AT 10 O'CLOCK ON "SUNDAY-MORNING")..

IT'S "ALWAYS"-ON

& "ALWAYS"-LOUD..

"&"

IT'S "EITHER" TUNED-TO..

HOWARD STERN..

(WHO USES THE "F"-WORD "QUITE"-
FREQUENTLY)..

OR THE PEARL JAM CHANNEL..

(WHO "SING" SOME OF THE "MOST"-
DEPRESSING SONGS OF "ALL"-TIME)..

& "NOW"

"EVERY"-TIME
I'M OUT IN "OUR" BACKYARD..

"I" HAVE TO LISTEN-TO

HOWARD STERN DROPPING
F-BOMBS..

OR PEARL JAM SINGING SOMETHING DEPRESSING-LIKE..

"&"

WITH COOLER WEATHER COMING THIS WEEKEND..

"I" AM LOOKING-FORWARD TO TURNING "OFF" THE AC

& OPENING THE WINDOWS..

BUT IF I CAN "HEAR"

HOWARD STERN..OR PEARL JAM..

"INSIDE" MY HOUSE..

WELL "THAT"
IS "DEFINITELY"
GOING TO GET ON MY NERVES..

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?..

I DON'T "KNOW" THESE-PEOPLE..

IF I DROVE DOWN-THE-STREET "BEHIND"-US

I "WOULDN'T"-KNOW WHICH HOUSE IS "THEIRS"..

SO "REALLY"

WHAT "CAN" I DO?..

YELL OVER-THE-FENCE

"TURN YOUR SOUND-SYSTEM DOWN"!!..

("OH..& BY THE WAY..I'M TONY..
& WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD")..

	(0) Comments
Tags : People: HOWARD STERN

My wife's favorite pot
by Tony Manes , posted Oct 2 2012 10:15AM

MY WIFE'S BEEN OUT-OF-TOWN ON BUSINESS THIS WEEK..

BUT "BEFORE" SHE LEFT

SHE MADE ME
A "BIG" POT OF CHILI..

& I "LOVE"
CHILI..

SO.."ALL"-WEEK..
I'VE BEEN EATING CHILI FOR DINNER..

"INCLUDING" LAST NIGHT..

SO I HAD MY CHILI..

& I'M WATCHING A BASEBALL GAME..

& A COUPLE OF HOURS PASS..

& THE GAME IS OVER..

& I WALK "OUT" TO THE KITCHEN..

& I "SMELL"
SOMETHING "BURNING"..

& I-"NOTICE"

THAT I "FORGOT"
TO TURN THE BURNER-

"UNDER" THE POT OF CHILI-
"OFF"..

SO I LIFT UP THE LID..

(& A "BIG" CLOUD OF STEAM COMES-OUT)..

& THE CHILI..

HAS "LITERALLY"

BEEN "BAKED"
"INTO" THE POT..

IT WAS "ROCK"-HARD..

"ALL" THE MOISTURE
HAD BEEN COOKED-"OUT"..

IT WAS "STUCK"

TO THE "BOTTOM" OF THE POT..

MORE-LIKE
"CEMENTED" TO THE BOTTOM OF THE POT..

"&"

(OF COURSE)..

IT'S MY WIFE'S

"FAVORITE"-POT..

("YES"--MY WIFE
HAS A "FAVORITE"-POT)..

SO I SOAK IT FOR A WHILE..

& I SCRUB..

& I SOAK IT SOME "MORE"..

& I SCRUB..

& SOAK..

& SCRUB..

WHEN I LEFT THIS MORNING

IT WAS ON

WHAT "I" HOPE WILL-BE

THE "FINAL"-SOAK..

MY WIFE IS COMING HOME THIS AFTERNOON..

& SHE'LL "KILL" ME

IF I "MESSED-UP"
HER "FAVORITE"-POT..

PLUS..

I "WASTED"

SOME OF HER HOMEMADE CHILI..

"YEAH"

MORE-THAN-LIKELY..

I'LL BE SLEEPING IN THE MAN CAVE THIS WEEKEND..
-------------------

THERE "IS" ONE-"PLUS"

IF I "DID" PERMANENTLY-RUIN
MY WIFE'S "FAVORITE"-POT..

THEY SELL POTS AT "TARGET"..

& SHE "LIKES" "TARGET"

IT'LL GIVE HER A "REASON"
TO "GO"
TO "TARGET"..

"WELL "YOU"
RUINED MY "FAVORITE" POT..
NOW..
I "HAVE" TO GO TO "TARGET"..

(SHE WAS GOING TO GO
"EITHER"-WAY)..

	(0) Comments
Tags : Topics: Hospitality_Recreation, Human Interest Social: Hospitality_Recreation, Human Interest