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Tony In The Morning Blog
  Man! The CRAZIEST stuff happens to ME. I AM married. And, I have KIDS. And a dog. And two cats. Read about it HERE...


2 of 3 kids living in Phoenix

by Tony Manes , posted May 21 2013 4:57PM
SO..

"2"..

OF OUR-"3"-KIDS..

ARE LIVING IN PHOENIX "NOW"..

JD--THE "TOBACCO SALESMAN"

(OR...AS I-"ALSO" LIKE TO CALL-HIM--"THE MERCHANT OF DEATH)..

HAS BEEN LIVING IN PHOENIX
SINCE "GRADUATING"..

& BECOMING-"EMPLOYED"..

IN JANUARY..

& THIS-"PAST"-WEEKEND..

WE MOVED OUR "YOUNGEST"--
COLLEEN-"IN"..

(SHE IS "INTERNING" WITH "LIBERTY MUTUAL" INSURANCE COMPANY..

& IT'S-"FUNNY"

BECAUSE MY-"FEELINGS"
ABOUT THE "2"-OF-THEM

ARE "DIAMETRICALLY"-DIFFERENT..

NOW THE "TOBACCO SALESMAN"..

HAS THE "WORLD BY THE TAIL"..

A GOOD-JOB..
WITH A GOOD-COMPANY..
MAKING GOOD-MONEY..

WITH A COMPANY CAR..
A NICE..CUTE..GIRLFRIEND..
LIVING IN "VERY"-TRENDY SCOTTSDALE..
(WHICH IS A "WAAAAY"-FUN CITY)..

& I-"THINK"

"HE"-KNOWS

THAT "HIS"-LIFE IS "PRETTY"-GOOD

(BUT...HE-IS "ONLY"-22..

SO "HOW"-COULD HE-"REALLY"

KNOW-THAT??)..

BUT..

WHEN IT COMES TO COLLEEN..

I "WORRY"-MORE..

(SHE-"IS"..."MY LITTLE GIRL"
AFTER-ALL)..

I MEAN I FEEL-"GOOD" ABOUT "WHERE" SHE-LIVES..

& "WHO"
SHE-LIVES-"WITH"..

(WE CHECKED "ALL"-THAT OUT..

& BOUGHT HER A BED..

& SOME GROCERIES)..

& I'M "CONFIDENT"

IN "HER"..

(SHE'S A HARD-WORKER..

& SHE'S A GOOD-PERSON..

& SHE HAS A "GREAT"-PERSONALITY)..

IT'S-"FUNNY"

I "COULDN'T"-WAIT..

FOR THE "MERCHANT OF DEATH"

TO GET-"OUT" OF COLLEGE..

(& "GET"-A-"JOB"..

& GET-"OFF" THE PAYROLL)..

BUT-"NOW"..

AS COLLEEN GETS-CLOSER

TO DOING THE "SAME"-THING..

I'M "MORE"-APPREHENSIVE..

& I'M NOT-SURE

IF IT'S BECAUSE I "WORRY"-MORE..

ABOUT COLLEEN..

OR IF IT'S BECAUSE..

I'M-"WORRIED" THAT ANOTHER-"CHAPTER"..

IS "FLYING"-BY..
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Locations : Jd, Phoenix

 

My late-dad at the Monte Carlo?!?

by Tony Manes , posted May 17 2013 2:16PM
THE "MONTE CARLO"..

IT'S-THIS "RANDOM"-BAR..

IN THE MIDDLE-OF-NOWHERE..

AT THE CORNER OF TAFT HIGHWAY & OLD RIVER ROAD..

A FRIEND..WHO "GREW-UP" HERE.. TOOK ME THERE..ABOUT 15-YEARS-AGO..

YOU MIGHT NOT "NOTICE"-IT BECAUSE IT "LOOKS".....
LIKE A "HOUSE"..

WELL WEDNESDAY NIGHT..

MY WIFE & DAUGHTERS
WERE GOING TO DINNER
AT "EL PUEBLO" IN LAMONT..

& WE DRIVE RIGHT-"BY"

THE "MONTE CARLO"..

& SINCE MEGAN JUST TURNED-21 LAST MONTH..

WE-"HAVE"..TO TAKE-HER TO THE "MONTE CARLO"..

SO WE GO-"IN"..

& "3" OF US..

ORDER A BEER..& A SHOT..

(COLLEEN ISN'T 21-YET)..

& WE'RE DRINKING OUR BEER & OUR SHOT..

& TALKING.......& LAUGHING..

& THE JUKEBOX IS PLAYING..

& THE BARTENDER IS TAKING PICTURES OF US..(FOR FACEBOOK)..

& A "GUY"..

"NEXT"-TO-ME..

AT THE BAR..

"PUSHES"
A "BIIIIIG"-STACK OF DOLLAR BILLS MY WAY..

"URGING"-ME..(& THE GIRLS)..

TO PLAY-WHATEVER SONGS "WE"-LIKE..ON THE JUKEBOX..

SO I-START TALKING TO HIM

ABOUT "MY GIRLS"...

& CELEBRATING MEGAN'S BIRTHDAY..

& HE "SEEMED"
TO BE GENUINELY-"INTERESTED"..

& "HAPPY"..

THAT "I"

WAS HAVING SUCH A "GREAT"-TIME

BEING-"WITH".."MY GIRLS"..

SO I "TRIED" TO BUY "HIM" A DRINK..

"BUT"..HE "REFUSED"..

& ASKED ME
"NOT"
TO "INSULT"-HIM..

(HE SAID HE WAS
"PAYING IT FORWARD")..

& "THEN"..

(& "THIS"-IS "WIERD")..

HE CALLS-ME "TONY"..

& I SAY..

"HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?"

& "HE"

JUST "IGNORED" THE QUESTION...

& CONTINUED TALKING..

(FREEEEE-KEY)..

SO..

WE "FINISH"..OUR BEER & SHOT....

& LEAVE..

& MEGAN SAYS..

"HOW DID THAT GUY
KNOW YOUR NAME?"..

("SHE"..HEARD-IT "TOO")..

(FREEEEE-KEY)..

& "MY WIFE" SAYS..

"YOU REALIZE THE LAST-TIME YOU WERE "AT" THE "MONTE CARLO"..

WAS THE LAST-TIME YOUR "DAD" CAME TO BAKERSFIELD..

"BEFORE" HE DIED?"..

IT WAS ON MY 40TH BIRTHDAY..

& MY DAD & I WERE DRIVING-BACK

FROM PLAYING GOLF AT BUENA VISTA..

& WE "STOPPED"

AT THE "MONTE CARLO"..

& "HAD"

A BEER....& A SHOT..

I HAD "COMPLETELY"-FORGOTTEN..

(I HAD "SO"-MUCH FUN WITH MY DAD "THAT"-DAY)...

& THE HAIR ON MY ARMS STOOD-UP..

& I GOT A TEAR..IN MY EYE..

(DO YOU THINK MY DAD HAS-BEEN "WAITING"

FOR THE PAST-"4" YEARS

FOR "ME" TO "SHOW-UP"

AT THE "MONTE CARLO"?)..
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Social :
People : MEGAN JUST TURNED

 

Kids' favorite restaurants

by Tony Manes , posted May 15 2013 1:55PM
SO..

I MENTIONED THAT OUR DAUGHTERS--MEGAN & COLLEEN

ARE "HOME" THIS WEEK
BEFORE HEADING-"BACK" TO NEW YORK & PHOENIX
FOR THE SUMMER..

NOW THAT THEY'RE "IN"-COLLEGE..

(& "FAR" FROM HOME)..

THEY DON'T GET BACK-TO-BAKO THAT-MUCH..

& "WHEN" THEY-DO

WE LIKE TO TAKE-THEM TO THEIR FAVORITE-RESTAURANTS..

COLLEEN WAS HOME-1ST..

& HER "CHOICE"
IS "ALWAYS"-"JAKE'S TEX-MEX"..

FOR A TACO SALAD..

& A "GIANT"-SLICE OF THE "BEST"
CAKE IN TOWN..

NOW MEGAN..

CAME-HOME MONDAY NIGHT..

& THE "1ST"-RESTAURANT "SHE"
WANTED TO GO-TO WAS

"EL PUEBLO" IN LAMONT..

WHEN THE KIDS WERE GROWING-UP
WE USED TO GO TO "EL PUEBLO" A-LOT..

(IT'S JUST A "FUN"-PLACE)..

"MAYBE"-BECAUSE THEY'RE "ALWAYS" COMING-BY WITH THE SANGRIA-BOTTLE..

(& I'M "NOT"-GOOD WITH PEER-PRESSURE-ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S A RESTAURANT-SERVER--
SO I-"DRINK" THE SANGRIA)..

ONE-TIME..

WE WENT-THERE IN A LIMO
FOR MY BIRTHDAY..

& THEY "SERVED"-ME

A MARGARITA

THE SIZE OF A "LARGE" DAIRY COW..

(I "DRANK"-IT..

MY-WIFE "DRANK"-IT..

THE "6"-PEOPLE AT THE TABLE "NEXT"-TO-US "DRANK"-IT..

I-DRANK SOME-"MORE"..

& "THEN"

I CURLED-UP "INSIDE" OF IT

& TOOK A NAP)..

MEGAN DIDN'T-CARE ABOUT THE "BEST CAKE IN TOWN"..

"SHE"-WANTED A MARGARITA

THE SIZE OF LAMONT'S PUBLIC SWIMMING POOL..

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT MEGAN..

TURNED "21" LAST-MONTH?..
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Hospitality_Recreation
Social :
Locations : New York, Phoenix
People : MEGAN DIDN

 

The Great Gatsby 1974

by Tony Manes , posted May 14 2013 2:38PM
SO..

"I"..

"LIKE" OLD-MOVIES..

"HOW-EVER"..

MY WIFE..

"HATES"

"OLD MOVIES"..

IF IT WAS SHOT IN "BLACK & WHITE"

SHE "REFUSES" TO WATCH..

("EVEN"-

IF "JOHN WAYNE" IS IN-IT)..

WELL..

"TURNER CLASSIC MOVIES"

WAS SHOWING "THE GREAT GATSBY"--

(THE 1974-VERSION
WITH ROBERT REDFORD..
MIA FARROW..
& A "YOUNG" SAM WATERSON--(FROM "LAW & ORDER"-FAME)..

(THE 1974 MOVIE

"IS" IN-"COLOR").

& SINCE I'VE NEVER SEEN-IT..

& THE "NEW"-VERSION
WITH LEONARDO DICAPRIO
WAS COMING OUT..

I RECORDED-IT..

& WHEN I TOLD MY WIFE..

SHE...WAS ACTUALLY-"EXCITED"..

SHE SAID-SHE'D SEEN IT WHEN SHE WAS A KID..

& "ABSOLUTELY-LOOOOOVED"-IT..

"&"..

THAT ROBERT REDFORD WAS "SOOOO" GOOD-LOOKING..

SHE SAID IT WAS "1"

OF HER "FAVORITE"-MOVIES..

SO..WE WATCH-IT..

(NOW I'M "NOT"-SURE
IF I'VE MENTIONED "THIS"-BEFORE)..

BUT MY WIFE..

CAN-"NOT"

KEEP A SECRET..

SO...

AS-"SOON" AS THE MOVIE STARTS..

SHE-"STARTS"
TELLING-"ME"

"WHAT'S" GOING TO HAPPEN-

"NEXT"..

(NOW I'M "NOT"-SURE
IF "YOU'VE"-EVER
"WATCHED" A MOVIE
WITH SOMEONE LIKE-"THAT"??

SOMEONE WHO'S "SEEN" THE-MOVIE..
& "LOVED" THE MOVIE..
& "CAN'T"-WAIT

TO "SHARE"-IT

"WITH"-YOU??)..

SO MY WIFE

CAN'T STOP-HERSELF..

FROM "BLURTING-OUT"..

(I'M SORRY..

"FROM SWEETLY SAYING")..

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN "NEXT"

"EXCEPT"..

SHE WAS "ALWAYS"-WRONG..

& "AFTER"

ABOUT THE 3RD-OR-4TH-TIME...

OF HER "BEING"-WRONG..

"I"-SAY..

"IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE--

HOW IS-IT

THAT YOU HAVE "NO"-CLUE

WHAT'S GOING-ON?"..

& "SHE"-SAID..

"THIS"..

MUST-BE

A "DIFFERENT-VERSION"..
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Entertainment_Culture, Human Interest
Social : , 
People : LEONARDO DICAPRIO, MIA FARROW, ROBERT REDFORD

 

Getting some deserved PAYBACK!

by Tony Manes , posted May 10 2013 2:38PM
SO..

DON'T WE-"ALL"..

(KIND-OF)......."WANT" OUR KIDS TO TURN-OUT LIKE US?..

(I-MEAN THE "GOOD"-PARTS OF US..

THE PARTS THAT TAUGHT THEM TO PRACTICE "THE GOLDEN RULE"..

"NOT" THE PART THAT WATCHES
"HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO"

OR SECRETLY..
WANTS TO RUN-OFF WITH SALMA HAYEK)..

PARENTING REQUIRES "SUCH"-PATIENCE..

(BECAUSE "THE PAYOFF"--
IS A "LOOONG"-TIME COMING)..

KIDS GROW-UP..

& BY JUNIOR HIGH
THEY START TO "REBEL"

AGAINST-"US"..

& IT "CONTINUES"..

THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL..
& THROUGH COLLEGE..

THEY "TRY"..

(AS "HARD" AS THEY CAN)..

"NOT".....

TO BE LIKE "US"..

("I" TRIED-----"REEEEALY"-HARD..

& ENDED-UP

"JUST"-LIKE MY DAD)..

& "THEN"..

YOU "FIIIIIINALLY"

SEE A "CRACK"..

COLLEEN--OUR YOUNGEST--IS HOME FOR A FEW-DAYS BEFORE HEADING TO
PHOENIX FOR A SUMMER INTERNSHIP AT AN INSURANCE COMPANY..

OVER SPRING BREAK..

SHE BROUGHT HER 2-ROOMMATES.. & HER BOYFRIEND..

TO BAKERSFIELD..

& WE GOT TO SPEND A-"LOT" OF TIME WITH THEM..

WELL "LAST"-NIGHT..

COLLEEN SAYS TO ME..

"ALL" MY FRIENDS SAY

THEY "SEE"
WHERE "I"-GET MY SENSE OF HUMOR-FROM..

(I "ALMOST" TOPPLED-OVER
FROM ALL THE "PRIDE"-INSIDE)..

I MEAN I'M "OBVIOUSLY"-FUNNY..

(DUHHHHHHH)...

& "COLLEEN" IS "OBVIOUSLY"-FUNNY..

(SHE MAKES "ME"-LAUGH)..

BUT TO "HEAR" THOSE-WORDS..

COME-"OUT"

OF "MY LITTLE GIRL'S" MOUTH..

(WELL I WISH I WOULD'VE HAD MY "I-PHONE VOICE-RECORDER"--
RECORDING..

SO I COULD PLAY IT FOR YOU THIS MORNING)..

"&"...

WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR LIKE-"MINE"...

THOSE INSURANCE-PEOPLE IN PHOENIX..

ARE GOING TO "LOVE"-COLLEEN

THIS SUMMER..
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Locations : Colleen, Heading, Phoenix
People : SALMA HAYEK

 

NO kids at home this summer

by Tony Manes , posted May 7 2013 2:47PM
SO..

"LAST"-SUMMER..

"2"-OF-OUR-"3"-KIDS WERE "HOME"..

"THIS"-SUMMER..

FOR THE "1ST"-TIME SINCE "ALL"-3 WENT-OFF TO COLLEGE..

"NONE"-OF-THEM WILL BE HOME..

JD IS "OUT" OF SCHOOL..

SELLING TOBACCO IN PHOENIX..

(I GET A "LUMP" IN MY THROAT "EVERY"-TIME I SAY-"THAT"..

HE'S "JUST"-LIKE SIR WALTER RALIEGH..

"PLUS"..HE'S "EMPLOYED"..

& "OFF" "MY"-PAYROLL

(I'M GETTING "CHOKED-UP")..

"MEGAN"..

GOT A JOB ON-CAMPUS AT FORDHAM..

SO "SHE'S"-SPENDING THE SUMMER IN NEW YORK CITY..

BUT SUMMER IN "NEW YORK CITY"??..

& "COLLEEN"..

WHO JUST FINISHED HER SOPHOMORE YEAR AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA..

(BEING THE "NERD" SHE-IS)..

HAS A SUMMER-INTERNSHIP AT AN "INSURANCE COMPANY"
IN PHOENIX..

1-DAY "LAST"-SUMMER..

IT HAD BEEN A LOOOOOONG...
HARD..
DAY..

BUSY-BUSY-BUSY..
MEETINGS..
PHONE CONSTANTLY-RINGING..
CONSTANT-TEXTS..
UPDATING MY FACEBOOK PAGE..
SURFING FOR PICTURES OF SALMA HAYEK ON THE INTERNET..
HECTIC-HECTIC-HECTIC..

SO I "FINALLY" MAKE IT HOME..

& I'M "WALKING"

AROUND OUR PARK..

LISTENING TO MY I-POD..

"RELAXING"..

WHEN ALL-OF-SUDDEN..

IN A "CAR"..

"RIGHT"-BEHIND ME..

(I MEAN-----"RIGHT" BEHIND ME)..

SOMEONE "LAYS" ON THEIR HORN..

IT "SCARED"

THE "RELAXING"

"RIGHT"-OUT OF ME..

I "JUMPED"

& TURNED-AROUND..

& "THERE"-SIT..

"MY 2-GIRLS"..

IN THE FRONT-SEAT..

LAUGHING THEIR HEADS-OFF..

& "I"..

COULDN'T-HELP BUT LAUGH-TOO..

("THEY" GOT ME "GOOD")..

& "THAT'S"

WHAT I'LL "MISS" THIS-SUMMER..

THE "JOY"

THEY BRING TO MY LIFE..

(AT THE-MOST
"UNEXPECTED"-TIMES)..

NOW.......

ON THE "OPPOSITE"-SIDE OF "THAT" SPECTRUM..

YOU KNOW WHAT "ELSE"

BRINGS "JOY" TO MY LIFE??..

MY "ROUTINE"..

& THE TIME I SPEND IN THE MAN CAVE..

(WATCHING SPORTS..
SURFING FOR SALMA HAYEK PICTURES ON MY I-PAD..
& NAPPING)..

& "HOW" THE ONLY "MESS"..

WAS "CREATED"

BY MY WIFE & ME..

& THE ONLY-"LIGHTS"
LEFT-ON?..

(MY "WIFE")..

& HOW I CAN LAY MY CAR KEYS ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER..

& THEY'RE "STILL"-THERE
WHEN I COME-BACK..

I MEAN "I"

HAVE A "PRETTY"-LONG LIST

OF ITEMS

THAT BRING-"JOY"

TO MY LIFE "NOW"..

(BECAUSE "I"

HAVE-DONE A "PRETTY"-GOOD-JOB

FILLING-"IN"-THE-SPACE

THAT-"THE KIDS"..

"USED"

TO OCCUPY)..
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Social :
Locations : Arizona, New York, New York City, Phoenix
People : SALMA HAYEK, WALTER RALIEGH

 

Technology TRUMPS Humans

by Tony Manes , posted May 3 2013 3:39PM
SO..

OUR YOUNGEST..COLLEEN..
LIVES IN TUCSON & GOES TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA..

THE "LAST"-TIME "I"
WAS "IN" TUCSON..

("BACK"-IN DECEMBER)..

I "TOTALED"

COLLEEN'S CAR..

(IT'S A "LONG"..
"INTERESTING"..STORY..
THAT I'VE TOLD-"BEFORE"..

BUT "BASICALLY"

"I"..WAS A MORON)..

ANYWAY..

I HAD TO "BUY" COLLEEN
A NEW-CAR..

& I WENT TO "MOTOR CITY BUICK-GMC"..

WHERE NATALIE HIERLMEIER..

HELPED ME GET
A "REALLY"-NICE..
LOW-MILEAGE..
PRE-OWNED..
"RED"
"VOLKSWAGEN JETTA"..

WHICH COLLEEN ABSOLUTELY "LOVES"..

(& MADE "ME"..

THE "COOLEST"-DAD-"EVER"----

AT-LEAST FOR A DAY-OR-2)..

NOW SOON "AFTER" SHE-RETURNED TO TUCSON..

THE DASHBOARD-LIGHT..

THAT INDICATES YOU HAVE A TIRE GOING FLAT..

CAME-"ON"..

(NOW "I"-BOUGHT THE "EXTENDED"-WARRANTY)..

SO I TELL HER TO TAKE IT
TO THE "VW" DEALERSHIP..

& "THEY" GET-IT TO TURN-"OFF"..

A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER

IT'S "ON"--"AGAIN"..

& THEY "FIX IT"--"AGAIN"..

A "WEEK"-LATER

IT'S-BACK-"ON"..

(& "THIS" HAS BEEN GOING-ON
SINCE "FEBRUARY")..

I "KNOW" COLLEEN
IS GETTING FRUSTRATED..

(SPENDING "HALF"
HER SOPHOMORE-YEAR

IN THE "VOLKSWAGEN COURTESY LOUNGE"..

& HAVING 2ND-THOUGHTS ABOUT HER DAD'S CAR-BUYING ABILITY)..

& "I'M" STARTING TO "WONDER"

IF I BOUGHT A CAR

WITH A "DEFECT"..

THAT "CAN'T" BE FIXED..

GUESS WHAT?..

THE LIGHT WAS BACK-"ON"
MONDAY..

SO COLLEEN...

TOOK TO THE DEALER..

WHERE "THEY"

TOOK-"OFF"-

"ALL"-4 TIRES..

& "SUBMERGED"-THEM

IN-WATER..

(LOOKING FOR LITTLE AIR-BUBBLES)..

& GUESS-WHAT THEY "FOUND"?..

A LITTLE....TINY......THORN...

IN "1" OF THE TIRES..

THERE WASN'T "ANYTHING" WRONG WITH THE "SENSOR"..

AS USUAL..

THE "HUMAN"-FACTOR
WAS THE PROBLEM..
 (0) Comments
Tags :  
Locations : Arizona, Returned, Tucson
People : COLLEEN ABSOLUTELY

 

I FIGHT OFF (!) a SPIDER

by Tony Manes , posted Apr 30 2013 2:49PM
SO..

IT'S-LIKE AS "SOON"
AS THE "HEAT"-ARRIVES
IN THE SOUTHERN VALLEY..

"SO"..DO THE "SPIDERS"..

("&"..THEIR WEBS)..

I WALKED-OUT THE BACK DOOR "LAST"-WEEK..

& WALKED RIGHT "IN"-TO A WEB..

(WHICH "ALWAYS" FREAKS-ME-OUT)..

& OVER THE WEEKEND..

I WAS IN THE GARAGE..

& REACHED "DOWN" TO THIS BOTTOM SHELF..

& MY HAND WENT RIGHT "IN"-
TO A BIG-WEB..

"BUT"

THOSE "2"-EXPERIENCES
WERE "NOTHING"

COMPARED TO WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING..

I WALKED-"OUT" THE FRONT-DOOR..

(WHERE "SOMETIME" DURING THE NIGHT..

A SPIDER..

HAD ERECTED
THIS "HUGE"-WEB
ACROSS OUR "ENTIRE" ENTRY-WAY)..

WELL I'M WALKING..

WITH MY HEAD-"DOWN"..

& I WALK RIGHT-"IN"-

TO THIS "ENORMOUS"-WEB..

IT "ENVELOPED"
MY "WHOLE"-HEAD..

& AS I'M TRYING TO WIPE IT "AWAY" FROM MY FACE..

I "SEE"..

THE SPIDER..

"ON" THE WEB..

THAT IS "ON"-ME..

"&"..HE'S HEADING

"STRAIGHT" FOR MY "FACE"..

(PROBABLY TO BITE-ME

& "INJECT"-ME WITH VENOM

FOR "MESSING"-UP
HIS NEWLY-BUILT "BUG-CATCHER"..

WELL "NOW"

I'M "REALLY"-"REALLY"-"REALLY"-
"REALLY"..
FREAKED-OUT..

SO I "FLAIL" MY ARMS MORE-QUICKLY..

(TRYING TO "FREE"-MYSELF
FROM "THE WEB")..

& WHILE DOING-SO..

MY KEYS..

WHICH "HAD"-BEEN

IN MY RIGHT-HAND..

FLEW-"OUT" OF MY RIGHT-HAND..

& "LANDED"

"SOMEWHERE"

IN THE FRONT-YARD..

(I "HEARD" THEM LAND..

BUT "DIDN'T"
"SEE" THEM LAND)..

NOW WE DON'T HAVE A "BIG"-YARD..

BUT..

"IN" THE DARK..

WITH AN I-PHONE FLASHLIGHT..

NOT-REALLY-KNOWING "WHERE" THEY LANDED..

(I WAS PRACTICALLY ON MY HANDS & KNEES)..

WELL "THAT"-YARD IS "BIGGER" THAN IT "LOOKS")..

IT TOOK "QUITE"-AWHILE TO "FIND" THEM..

(LIKE 15-MINUTES??)..

SO..

I WAS "LATE" TO WORK..

"&"..

SINCE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY "SEE"

THE SPIDER "DIE"..

(I SWUNG MY ARMS--
& HE "DISAPPEARED")..

I'M CONSTANTLY "SEEING"-THINGS

OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE..

LIKE-I "THINK"

THE SPIDER IS "STILL" ON ME..

(& NOW--

I'M ALL-"ITCHY")..
 (0) Comments

 

My wife's SPECIAL present

by Tony Manes , posted Apr 30 2013 2:46PM
SO..

"MY"-BIRTHDAY
WAS "LAST"-WEEKEND..

& I WAS INDIANA..
VISITING MY MOM..

SO MY WIFE

"DIDN'T" GET TO "CELEBRATE"

THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY "ARRIVAL"

ON PLANET EARTH..

"WITH"-ME..

UNTIL I GOT BACK..

NOW THE PLAN..

WAS TO CELEBRATE FRIDAY NIGHT..

WE'D HAVE A FEW COCKTAILS..

ORDER SOME DINNER-"IN"..

BLOW-OUT THE CANDLES ON MY BIRTHDAY CAKE..

& OPEN MY PRESENTS..

(BEING A "GUY"

I-"LIKE" OPENING PRESENTS

TO-"ME")..

WELL...
MY WIFE GOT ME SOME
"NICE"-GIFTS..

-"MLB EXTRA INNINGS"-(WHERE I CAN WATCH "ALL" THE YANKEES GAMES)..
-A NICE SHIRT..
-A BOTTLE OF PATRON..
-A CROUQUET-SET-(FOR OUR UPCOMING "POOL PARTIES")..

"&"

A "NASTY" CASE OF THE FLU..

WHEN MY WIFE PICKED ME UP FROM LAX LAST-WEEK..

"SHE"

HAD THE FLU..

("I" DIDN'T THINK MUCH-OF-IT..

AFTER-ALL..

I WAS JUST BACK FROM VISITING MY FAMILY..

& MY FLIGHT HAD BEEN A NIGHTMARE..

SO "I" HAD "LOTS" OF "COMPLAINING"......

I MEAN
"INTERESTING" STORIES TO TELL-HER..

& "BESIDES"..

SHE DIDN'T "LOOK"-"THAT" SICK)..

SO..

FRIDAY MORNING..

AS "SOON" AS I FINISHED THIS SHOW..

I STARTED GETTING THE "ACHES"..

& THE "CHILLS"..

& FEELING "REALLY"-TIRED..

& IT WAS "ALL" I COULD DO..

TO FINISH-UP MY OFFICE WORK..

& GO HOME..

WELL...

I GOT HOME ABOUT 11AM..

& I "IMMEDIATELY"

CRAWLED INTO BED..

WHERE I "STAYED"

("BETWEEN" TRIPS

BACK & FORTH TO THE BATHROOM)..

UNTIL SATURDAY MORNING..

"THEN"..

I SPENT THE "REST"-OF-SATURDAY..

"ON" THE COUCH

IN THE MAN CAVE..

("KIND"-OF-LIKE "EVERY"-SATURDAY)..

SO..

MY WIFE..

WHO WAS "ANXIOUS" TO "GIVE" ME MY BIRTHDAY PRESENTS..

GAVE ME MY MOST-"MEMORABLE" GIFT..

A NASTY CASE OF THE FLU..

(& I HAVEN'T HAD THE FLU

IN LIKE-20 YEARS)..

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME"..
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Locations : Indiana